If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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