i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
