I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
