Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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