Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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