WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
