Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
