singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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