he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize