and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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