So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
