I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
