You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
