walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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