he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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