You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
