do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
