Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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