i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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