I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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