I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
