I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
