i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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