Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
