I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
