I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
