Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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