it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
