Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
