therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
