sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
