I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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