Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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