i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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