There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
