I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
two words: eviction party
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
