covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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