After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
