How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
