literally had 100 drinks last night.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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