I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
