the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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