The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
