I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
