Ambien. No doubt about it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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