ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
