Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
