she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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