Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
