btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
