Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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