If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
