it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
