I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
