Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she looked like the before picture.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
