Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
