Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
