I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
