we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
