Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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