I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
