I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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