I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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