Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
