My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
