i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
