Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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