I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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