If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
