The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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