Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
