I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
