that's an acceptable place to lick
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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