somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
