the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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