Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All the doctor said was why
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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