pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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