Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How does one acquire holy water?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
