Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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