I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
