He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
