I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
