We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
